It was entertainment night at the senior citizens’ center.
After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show – Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. “Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
“I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. “It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” said Claude.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting “Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.
The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. They were hypnotized.
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact!
“SHIT!” said Claude.
It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens’ Center, and Claude was never invited there again.
1. I’ll swallow it all . . . I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
3. I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!
4. Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?
5. That was a great fart! Do another one!
6. I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
7. You’re so sexy when you’re hungover.
8. I’d rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let’s subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let’s go down to the mall so you can check out women’s asses.
12. I’ll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday’s, I just wish you had time to
play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor’s daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I know it’s a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
16. No, No, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
17. Your mother is way better than mine.
18. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine’s Day thing and buy new
19. I understand fully…our anniversary comes every year for Christ’s
sake, you go hunting with the guys, it’s a wonderful stress reliever.
20. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a rack of
beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
21. Christ, not the fucking mall again, come on let’s go to that new
22. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don’t you retire
and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8.
23. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night
24. God..if I don’t get to blow you soon, I swear I’m gonna bust!
25. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for