Can’t Have No Fun No How

U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts )

The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East.  (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)

To: All Commands

Subj: T-Shirts

Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K

All commanders promulgate upon receipt. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East :

1. ‘Eat Pork or Die’ [both English and Arabic versions]

2. ‘Shrine Busters’ [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.]

3. ‘Goat – it isn’t just for breakfast any more.’ [Both English and Arabic versions]

4. ‘The road to Paradise begins with me.’ [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.]

5. ‘Guns don’t kill people. I kill people.’ [Both Arabic and English versions]

6. ‘Pork. The other white meat.’ [Arabic version]

7. ‘Infidel’ [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]

The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.

In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:

1.. ‘Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.’

2.. ‘Do we really need ‘smart bombs’ to drop on these dumb bastards?’

All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.

Commander, Middle East


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An air traffic control tower

…suddenly lost communications with a small twin engine aircraft. A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone and yelled “Mayday, mayday!! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack. I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory. I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and travelling at 180 mph. Mayday, mayday!!”
The employee in the tower had put him on speaker phone immediately. “Calm down, we acknowledge you and we will guide you down after a few questions. The first thing is not to panic, remain calm!!”.
He began his series of questions.
Tower: “How do you know you are travelling at 18,000 feet??”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 18,000 feet on the dials in front of me”.
Tower: “Okay, that is good, remain calm. How do you know you are travelling at 180 mph??”
Aircraft: “I can see that it reads 180 mph on the dials in front of me”.
Tower: Okay, that is good. How do you know you’re flying upside down??”
Aircraft: “Because the shit in my pants is sliding out of my collar.”           

83942500


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